Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
