Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
