Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
