Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
