Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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