apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I want a musical about memes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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