you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have post one night stand depression
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