I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
where are my eyebrows?
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