doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
