The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
