Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
