he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
