One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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