wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
