I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
