I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
