The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
