He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
