it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
