I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
