Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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