i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
