Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
