i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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