this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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