Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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