So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
