it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
