i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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