I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FUCK WHALES
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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