I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
