So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
