you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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