If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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