So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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