You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
how drunk are you?
Several
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize