new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
