you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
