my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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