Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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