Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
