yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
