my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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