My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
