I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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