i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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