i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
