I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
