Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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