I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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