In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
