worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
