i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
