I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need a burrito and a hug.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
