I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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