Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
