I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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