I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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