A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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