you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize