there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
