Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
