Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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