there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
