i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
