We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
