Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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