I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
