He kissed a someone with a penis
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
