Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
