i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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