I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
