i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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