i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
