Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
