Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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