I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
