Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
