you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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