Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
