You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
